Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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