This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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