Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
