I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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