Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
