Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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