Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
