okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
