your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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