im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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