Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
