Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
