If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
