I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
