Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
