Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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