I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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