you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
