This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
