id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
