Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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