I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
