Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
