Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
