if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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