just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
