R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
