Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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