Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
