I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
