I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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