You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
