Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
