It was confusing and full of hummus
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
