just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
