You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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