I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
