he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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