someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
