HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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