So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
