Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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