Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
