Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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