Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
