i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
