i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
