My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
