Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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