Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
my liver is dry heaving
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
