haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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