i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
