You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
