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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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