You're my little dorito
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
