I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
