it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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