I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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