I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
