saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
