so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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