Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize