I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i would punch a child for taco bell
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
