We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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