If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
