but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
