I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
