grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
