Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
