I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
