I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize