Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
