You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
