I think i sorta joined a cult last night
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
