I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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