He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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