I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
