I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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