Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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