dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
well you can't waste a boner
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
