when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
