I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
