yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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