How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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