I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize