And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
