Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
