No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
