That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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