he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize