i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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