I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
how does that bad decision feel?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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