Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
