So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
