drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
