I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
