I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Randomize
