Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
