And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
