LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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