My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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