So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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